I’ve recently realized that I’m really angry. I don’t always consciously feel angry, but my anger, stuffed in thick and deep, is always there. Even though I’m not always aware of it, I’m pretty certain I’m always communicating it.
In December, I went to see a shaman, and while he was looking into the flame of a white candle that I’d rolled all over my body (yup), he casually said something like, “You’re very angry,” or “There’s a lot of anger there.” I was surprised to hear it. I came to discuss and purge lots of things, but I wouldn’t have named any of them anger. Sadness, confusion, jealously, longing…all of those seemed like a better fit.
Later in the session, after we did a guided meditation and talked a bunch, he had me stand in the middle of the room clutching a black stone in each hand. He asked me to send my anger into those stone while he performed a ritual that involved, among other things, spitting alcohol into my face and hitting me with feathers.